| Supersize Hospitality Wallace |
[18 Aug 2009|09:09pm] |
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mood |
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face-humping cyberSwayze |
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music |
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Calvin Harris "The Girls" |
] |
People and their children make me nuts.
Especially the idiot names they tack onto their precious.
Your 'creativity' will dictate the rest of the kid's existence.
If you name yr daughter Mercedes, Alizee, or Brooklyn
you might as well put a stripper pole in the crib and
send her to kindergarten with her lunch in a little Crown Royal bag.
This also applies to anybody given the name of any car, city, or brand of liquor.
Prepare yrself for the reality that comes with a handle like that,
the stream of boyfriends culled from the scum of the local rock music
scene, DJs, wanna-be rappers, comedians and drug dealers.
Not that theres anything wrong with that, i'm just telling you what you already know.
I'm not even going to go into the names black folks give their chirrun.
Just open up a Websters dictionary and pick a word at random.
If theres a C in the word change it to a K, change any Qu to Kw,
and add an "-isha" or "-ondra".
True story, a BBW working the reg at the Shell station up the sKreet from my house
had a nametag that actually read "JUICY". I looked at her name tag for the entire
time she was ringing up my Funyuns and Powerade, stunned, in silent amazement.
Celebrity baby names are almost always bad, and yeah, that choad from Fallout Boy and his talentless cock-holster, the "<" of the Simpson sisters, deserve to get their asses kicked, but i'm gonna leave the celebretard ranting and raving to people who actually care about celebrity gossip and all that shit.
like this bitch......
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/829151/the_worst_baby_names_ever.html?cat=25
I have friends who fall into the alpha primitives category of dudes.. big, dumb galoots.
Not bad guys... just, as I said. One of these fellas once pondered over the idea of naming his son Thor. This is as unrepentantly dumb an idea as i've ever heard.
Unless you start administering steroids to the kid at age 2, you might fuck up, some recessive intelligence gene might creep in, and instead of a big brawny badass, yr boy might be a bookish, sensitive, introverted type. Thats no Thor in my book... so thats just a bad idea, along with Hercules, and anything else from Greek or Norse mythology
is highly questionable. Except Ulysses. Ulysses is just a gnar name, period.
To reflect back on some names i've read of people just dropping a noun
and using it as a name, i'd say its got potential, but is often used in a certain schmaltzy way that brings to mind the music of Kenny G and turns the air in my nostrils brown.
I mean people who name their kids Lyric, Story, Heaven, stuff like that.
I've got some better, less new age-y Hallmark Channel made-for-tv Thanksgivingtime family movie-ish ideas for noun-names.
HAZMAT and RAPTORCLAW. Fuck yeah.
Enough with the names already... there are hundreds more websites where you can find more ridiculously (tragically) funny names. Take it from a guy named LEVERETT
and be mindful of what you name yr next kid!
-----TONIGHT, BITCHES-----
tonight and every tuesday and friday
Karaoke. 10 PM - 2 AM
Reedmeisters 3439 Park Avenue
Sing songs and drink to the future!
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
Well, maybe not that one, that was an oldy when my dad was a kid.
We ain't talkin top hats and tap shoes here.
See ya!
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| taste the irony |
[02 Aug 2009|05:54pm] |
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mood |
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lolz |
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music |
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Most Precious Blood "Shark Ethic" |
] |
"The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more."
---------- fortune cookie from the Grand Buffet in Mississippi
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[25 Jul 2009|02:52am] |
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mood |
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yoyo |
] |
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music |
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Black Elk "Toss You to The Wolves" |
] |
I've reached a level of acceptance with myself and how I tick
especially when it comes down to where I happen to be. So now i'm not
looking to greener pastures while crapping where I stand. I made that mistake
in Portland, when I came back, I made it here.
So from here on, i'm only going to make the most of where I am and thats it.
Wherever I am is where I belong, for the moment, and wherever I want to go is where I must go.
Simple, pure, not whiny.
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[25 Jul 2009|02:30am] |
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mood |
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 MC scrapbook gestapo |
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music |
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click below |
] |
i got bored, deal with it
What's the last thing that felt good?
sitting down after getting off work and opening a cold beer
Who did you last hug?
Sarah
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
fo shizzle.
Interested in anyone at the moment?
kinda sorta
Are you in a good mood right now?
i'm fucking splendid
Who was the last person you spoke on the phone with for over an hour?
i don't ever do that. thats some high schooler shit.
the longest recent phone call i had was with my brother
and it lasted 10-15 minutes. anything more than that
is just totally unnecessary. download AIM, you twat.
Do you need to say anything to someone?
im sorry for acting like an idiot
Would you introduce the last person you kissed to your parents?
i've introduced a lot of the people i've kissed to my dad and i'd introduce the last person, yeah, and i'd introduce the next person to him too.
my ma, not so much. i don't even want to see her or hear her run her schizo jesus freak mouth off so i wouldnt inflict her upon anybody else.
Are you and the last person you kissed in a relationship or just friends?
friends
Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?
the closest thing to a gymnast i've ever been has involved hopping fences,
and the closest i've been to a cheerleader, well, thats x rated and none of yer business.
Do you take compliments well?
sure. doesn't change the fact i'm a really salty slightly burnt potato chip at the bottom of the bag.
(thats a metaphor by the way, i'm not actually a potato chip
'tards)
Has a boy/girl ever called you babe or baby?
oh hell yeah. i love it. but its been a couple years
Will you be in a relationship in four months?
probably not but theres no telling
Do you like to make the first move?
no it sucks, but it has to be done, right? i make no attempt to put up a front like i'm Mr. Smooth Mack Daddy. it sucks and feels awkward every time. unless i'm too fucked up to remember it in the first place.
Do you hate it when people smoke around you?
nope
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
nope
Do you have anything that belongs to a boyfriend/girlfriend?
no if my ex's don't take their shit i throw it away, unless its a book
or a mix cd i like or something. clothes, jewelry, better come get yr shit
or meet me somewhere, i don't want that shit.
Who was the last person you had an argument with?
some dickface at work who tried to sneak past me into the 'arcade' without paying. my favorite tactic in those situations is to call him out loudly in front of the other patrons and embarass his cheap triflin ass fuckin ass.
Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
bitch please
Do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace?
hahaha hell no
Have you held hands with anyone in the past week?
nope
Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
nope. don't really care to either.
What were you doing at midnight last night?
writing
Who was the last person to give you a ride somewhere, not family?
Sonya
Whats something you really want right now?
a rocket launcher so that i can blow up that appalling statue in front of the World Overcomers church on Winchester.
Do you like to text or call more?
man, i know i said many times "I didn't buy a phone so i'd have to read!", but i've fallen in favor of texting, simply because nobody can ramble on and on forever and nobody can put you on hold
Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your bf/gf?
after a year or two, maybe. my best friend, i mean, not the peg hopping strumpet.
Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
drunk
Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself?
depends
Have you gone out of town this year?
actually not since i got back from Portland. every time i've made plans to,
something happens that fucks everything up.
Do you have any piercings or tattoos?
tattoos yes, and getting another, from Nate, very soon.
Do you have someone you can be yourself around?
muh friends
Say you marry the last person you texted, what's your new last name?
thats still not legal in the United States
Ever been called a bitch?
i think this stupid annoying redneck turd named J-E-R-E-M-I-A-H as he was fond of reminding everyone called me a bitch as I was trying to get him to get his lame ass off the stage at karaoke, but if he did, i don't fucking care.
Have you ever tried to break someone up?
as in break up a fight? yeah. as in break up a couple? nah.
if people are poisonous for one another i just let them have at each other.
and no its not okay to call me late at night and cry on my earhole because contrary to popular belief, i don't give a fuck about yr relationships.
THAT GOES FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU PEOPLE WHO CAN READ THIS.
Do you believe that love lasts forever?
sure, and little white ponies can fly.
forgive me if i'm a bit cynical, i've got scarce faith left in people.
Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
yes
Do you want to see somebody right now?
very much so
Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
i like both but prefer the ocean
What is the longest you've lived in one place?
a small eternity in Memfuck Tennessee
Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before?
i don't think so
Who was the last person to make you smile?
moi
Is anyone over protective over you?
a lot of my friends, and i feel the same way in return. la familia, motherfucker
What was the first thing you thought this morning?
"goddammit why am i awake i don't need to be up for another four hours"
Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?
of course
Are you happy with the way things are going?
life definitely doesn't suck :)
Honestly, do you hate the last girl you were talking to?
no way
Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?
yes LOL
Whats the third text in your inbox say?
i don't feel like lookin. sorry. blow it out yr ass
What do you want for your next birthday?
i have never had birthday sex.
never. ever. even if i had a girlfriend.
i would settle for at least a Lamar Avenue toothless mouth massage.
Has anyone upset you in the last week?
actually no, i've been on an even keel
You're going on a roadtrip: What MUST you bring with you?
good company. cigs. beer. good music. and for some reason pork rinds and/or salt and vinegar potato chips. or funyuns. or hot fries.
just throw the whole gas station snack aisle in a bag n lets go.
Does it bother you when people don't capitalize anything?
i dont care
Would it be more likely of you to fail Science or Math?
math
Would you rather move to Europe or South America?
europe. thats where my ancestors came from,
why the fuck would i move to a continent that doesnt speak my language
When was the last time you spoke to your brother?
couple weeks ago
Are you wearing jeans right now?
blue jean shorts
Have you ever received a myspace message that made you cry?
no
Are any of your friends virgins?
no, or not that i'm aware of
Someone leaves a note and flowers on your car, cute or tacky?
since i have no car, this doesnt apply to me
and just to be frank, i don't think women actually do that shit.
not in my experience, at least.
What don't you leave the house without?
my keys and wallet
Do you want kids when you're older?
yeah sure, once i've met the right woman, and feel somewhat financially secure. i think i'd make an alright dad.
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| transmission to friends: |
[19 Jul 2009|05:11am] |
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music |
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Monotonix FTW |
] |
you must see this band live.
www.myspace.com/monotonix
Sep 18 2009 8:00P
Roseland Theatre w/ Bad Brains Portland, Oregon
Sep 29 2009 8:00P
Hi Tone Memphis, Tennessee
Oct 17 2009 8:00P
Exit/In Nashville, Tennessee
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[19 Jul 2009|04:28am] |
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mood |
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lmao |
] |
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music |
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Chris J ft. Plies "Shawty Don't Need No Man" |
] |
Explaining erection pills to an Asian man with a poor grasp of English requires a funny game of charades.
My job is hilarious.
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[10 Jul 2009|05:39pm] |
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mood |
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big fuckin smileyface |
] |
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music |
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Rick Ross "Magnificent" |
] |
Yesterday a Latino man entered the store and inquired in horrible English
if we had a movie.
"What movie?" I asked him, and he proceeded to show me his cellphone, upon
which I saw a picture of a golden retriever having sexual intercourse with a woman.
No, you fucking sick cabron, we don't have that movie
or anything like that movie. Go away, sir, and do not return.
A daily diet of perversion aside my life is pretty good at the moment.
I have an ample supply of grievances with humanity and the city i'm currently living in,
but so does everyone else, and i'm actually much better off than most.
I feel good, and am thankful for that. This journal has turned, over time, into my own
personal complaint box. I tend to forget I even have it and only return to it on those
nights when bile, boredom and lots of cheap beer make rants seem like top shelf fun.
Well, this is different.
I'm in a good mood and things are looking up for the first time in a hot minute.
Recent thoughts of moving back to Portland still stand.
I'm just so bored with Memphis and the only thing consistent
about it is that it will consistently let you down.
I also gotta throw two more words behind my Portland > Memphis case,
Asian chicks.
Lots of em, foo'.
If we don't really keep in touch or talk on the regular
just know i'm doin' a-ok and hopefully the trend will continue.
To all who read this as well, I wish you the best.
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[05 Jul 2009|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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seperation is freedom |
] |
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music |
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Killing Joke "You'll Never Get to Me" |
] |
It feels good outside right now, and thats nice.
I had no motivation to do anything today, so I drank beer
ate cheeseburgers and watched The Sopranos.
that's as close to All-American a day as I can have.
seems like a continuation of my 4th of July.
i didnt get invited to many cookouts and really
didn't feel like sweating and slapping mosquitoes
and inevitably getting stuck talking to strangers.
as i've gotten older, i've overcome any desire
to find unity or one-ness with other human beings
and so, even something as great as a gathering or celebration
i've come to look at with great scrutiny.
after all,
you wouldn't want to end up at a party only knowing one person.
or accidentally find yourself trapped around fucks you have nothing in common with.
any party where all the guys are talking about sports or cars
and the women are talking about their children is nowhere i want
to fucking be. not today, not next year, not when i'm 70.
sounds about as enjoyable as wearing boxer shorts made from
poison ivy to the opera.
i don't hate all people
only boring generic and typical everyday fuckers.
the kind of people who relate to modern country music.
and if i'm drinking alone
at least i don't have THAT to worry about.
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| happy 4th of july |
[04 Jul 2009|09:20pm] |
"light a roman candle and hold it in your hand..."
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[02 Jul 2009|10:48pm] |
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mood |
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i'm buying a taser tomorrow |
] |
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music |
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Anthony Braxton |
] |
Yesterday I waited for an hour for a bus that never came
and I missed the show tonight.
The girl I was supposed to go with is a fuckup who spent all of her money on drugs
and plan B already had plans to go out of town for the holidays.
Still, missing the show is the only thing that gets my goat.
I can't honestly say that i'll miss much from not being in their company.
People suck in so many irritating ways that i've begun to
really yearn to be back in Portland where I could at least
marvel at the shittiness of human beings without having to know them.
My invisible walls suit me fine and theyre goin' back up.
And not only that, I could get around sans car, as opposed
to Memphis, which does everything half-assed.
I am going back to visit in October or November
and next year i'm planning on moving back.
I don't know anymore why I came back - insanity?
I could've compiled every decent experience i've had since
I came home into one week. You live and learn.
Oh, and if Willie Herenton actually resigns
and then re-runs for mayor in the special election?
You are all on yr own, see ya,
i'm getting on a plane ASAP.
k, that little bitching session concluded,
thanks go to Sonya who helped my ass out with a ride yesterday.
& now, enjoy the gnarly and strange music of Anthony Braxton.
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[28 Jun 2009|03:03am] |
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mood |
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yuck |
] |
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music |
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He is Legend "You Sound Like A White Boy" |
] |
So, the wheels of fate have kept on a'rollin' and sometimes the hand i'm dealt
is a good'un and sometimes its like picnic slaw decaying in a public park garbage can.
That is to say, not very good.
Lately, its been more of the latter.
While there have been some good high points, in particular, getting to kick it with my buddy Sean White down in Southhaven again, and being cleared from working next Thursday so I can actually see HE IS LEGEND again.
On the flipside, i still don't get a lot of hours to work, only the hours nobody wants to work (weekend nights), the little flicker of interest in someone turned out to be a mistake, I had to miss out on my scheduled trip to Chicago to see PENTAGRAM and NACHTMYSTIUM because my manager didn't get along with this other dude I worked with and didn't think he was doing his job to her standards, so she cold fired his ass, screwing me in the process since i was hoping to get him to cover my shifts, and the following encounter occurred on Friday.
I was setting some newly returned films back on the wall late in the afternoon, and when I turned back around, I saw a blonde totally average-looking middle aged man with glasses walking out of the arcade wearing a glazed eye look and an unsettling grin.
These are fairly commonplace in a porn store. Two other things, not so much.
Specifically the fact that he was drenched with sweat (probably not all his own)
and had a belt tied around his fucking neck.
I will try to recreate here, our dialogue.
L : Can I help you sir?
NLSW: What is the biggest toy you sell?
L : Probably the black or red dongs over there close to the bottom of the wall over there.
NLSW: (after turning to look, pausing, then turning back) What about the most DISGUSTING thing in the store?
L : Hell, i don't know, maybe the pocket asshole masturbators.
NLSW: What would you suggest?
L : I don't actually use any of those things.
NLSW: What's the phone number to this place?
L : (prints a receipt and gives it to him) The store number is on the receipt.
NLSW: So I can call up here?
L : Sure, if you have any questions about movies or products, you can call.
NLSW: Can I call up here and talk to you?
L : (long uncomfortable pause) If you have any questions, I guess so, yeah.
NLSW: I would be calling for instructions.
L : Instructions? If you buy a toy, it'll come with instructions.
NLSW: No, no. Do you have buddies?
L : Hmm, yeah, I guess. I'm lost here, what are you talking about?
NLSW: Do you... you have... buddies?
L : Friends, yeah, lots of friends, why? I'm not following you.
NLSW: Maybe I could call for instructions, like where and when you and your buddies
want to meet and give me a good work-over.
After a heartfelt grimace and my demand for respectful treatment and drawing a professional line,
he left, belt still around his crazy ass neck.
About 15 minutes later, I noticed the receipt i'd given him, neatly folded up and laying
on the counter. After fetching a paper towel, curiosity got the better of me, and I unfolded it, and what i read was as follows.
NO LIMIT SLAVE WHORE
901-XXX-XXXX
I threw the number in the garbage and spent the rest of my shift sick to my stomach
and washing my hands over and over again, even though i'd had no physical contact with him or anything he had touched. That deranged bastard won. He won by forcing me to interact with him. Somehow I just know that i've not the seen the last of Mr. No Limit Slave Whore, and that gives me a feeling like having a papercut on my fucking brain. No sir, I don't like it.
So, thats it
I had a screwy bizarre week and that was the big fat fly on top of the aforementioned thrownaway rotting cole slaw.
What was the weirdest thing that happened to you this week?
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[27 May 2009|05:18am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
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music |
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mario paint Slayer |
] |
first day at work (at the ghet-to porn store on Getwell). cakewalk.
bus ride home. miserable journey in a travelling microwave oven going the wrong direction in circles through the ghettos of east Memphis and finally paying a second fare + transfer to walk 4 miles home. shitty shitty.
there were some xtra good moments today though.
my epic memphis moment of the day-
A brief singalong of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" with a Mexican guy who was buying "Teens Like It Big".
my anti-bourgois metaphor of the day-
During my long hot MATA bus hellride after work we passed a dog taking a shit in someone's flowerbed, and I thought "Hell yeah. Good boy. You shit on those flowers!"
sometimes don't we all wanna be that dog?
i'm completely broke except for bus fare.
no check til next weekend. this calls for a song.
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| memo caught in a spiderweb laid atop the grid |
[25 May 2009|05:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lead windows |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hum "Afternoon with the Axolotls" |
] |
I walk around with dreams stapled to my eyelids
and talk to multiple selves
carry invisible avant-weaponry
and am on an unknowable quest.
Every step taken
in any direction
writes history.
----
the bad:
Tax money gone. Glasses gone. Pleuresy returned.
the good:
Starting a new job tomorrow morning (part-time).
Pleuresy less painful than when it initially returned weeks ago.
Last bit of tax $ went to Eye Spectrum, so Friday, i'll have new glasses.
other than that, i had too much fun in April,
May has been both great and horrible in equal portions,
tonight i'm doing some reading and some writing
the future doesn't look bright nor dark
and thats all you need to know
unless our paths intersect.
----
here is a gift - an animated short film.
its based on a mini-comic from within the Watchmen graphic novel.
http://tvshack.net/movies/Watchmen__Tales_of_the_Black_Freighter__2009_/
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| fun adventures on AIM getting randomly IM-ed by strangers |
[05 Apr 2009|06:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lovely |
] |
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music |
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Foxy Shazam "Ghost Animals" |
] |
CongestedCoho: Which do you prefer: brown rice or white rice?
Auto response from Fiery Black Hand: Oral sex is always a great last minute gift idea!
Fiery Black Hand: who is this
Fiery Black Hand: who
Fiery Black Hand: is
CongestedCoho: Who the hell is this? Creeper!
Fiery Black Hand: this
Fiery Black Hand: i don't know anybody named Creeper
Fiery Black Hand: just out of curiosity, who do you think I am?
CongestedCoho: No YOU ARE THE CREEPER! heres sumthin random Im happily married and have no interest in talkin 2 u!
Fiery Black Hand: then don't IM people you don't know you ignorant cunt.
CongestedCoho: Dont care. U seem 2 know me
Fiery Black Hand: you sent me the IM, i never wanted to talk to you, about anything, ever.
Fiery Black Hand: and I prefer white rice, thank you for asking.
---------------------
This has not been edited, censored, lengthened, or shortened in any way.
It should be pretty obvious which of these screen names is me.
I just had a random window pop up while I was out of the room and came back and had this little talk with whoeverthefuck this person is. If you know them, please tell them to do the world a favor and choke on a fucking bullet.
I thought it was pretty amusing though, so i'm sharing it.
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[05 Apr 2009|05:57pm] |
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mood |
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L-A-F-F laff |
] |
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music |
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INXS "Suicide Blonde" |
] |
Last night I had a dream that Jean Claude Van Damme and I were fighting
genetic freaks and voodoo zombies. That plus the weather outside
make this seem like a pretty awesome day.
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[03 Apr 2009|09:03pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchin' |
] |
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music |
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Mew "Why Are You Looking Grave?" |
] |
In nine days and a few handfuls of minutes, i'll
be 30 years old. At the beginning of my fourth decade
I realise that while my twenties were a shitload of fun,
other than the two records LDP recorded, i've got nothing
tangible to show for anything. Well, that plus scars and
wrinkles around my eyes, a fucked up grill, and a crazy eye.
This just means its time to quit pussyfooting
and get to work.
But first, let us talk of fun stuff, i.e. parties.
Because my birthday, the 13th, falls on a Monday,
the consensus is the party will probably be on the 11th
or the 18th. Once I know exactly, i'll tell everybody.
It will, with zero doubt, be happening at my pal
Brad Kennedy's place. The biggest difference in dates
will be the later I wait the longer we can prepare
and if i've gotten my tax returns by then you can expect
a lot more alcohol, a pinata or two, a slip-n-slide, pie fights,
maybe some more shit, theres no telling.
If someone else throws the party, it will be subdued, tame;
if i'm paid by then, and i throw it, it will be goddamned stupid fun.
If you're interested in coming
say so, and i'll communicate with you directly,
i'm not going to post an address or directions
in any public forum.
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| another reason why I could never write for Highlights magazine |
[30 Mar 2009|05:45am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sexy gargamel |
] |
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music |
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Blue Man Group w. Venus Hum "I Feel Love" |
] |
Thursday night I drank Old English 800 and did my taxes
and early Friday after a hard sleep, I finished 'em.
OOOHHHH YYEEEAAAHHHHH!!!
Since then, i've done the usual thing, but I opted not to visit
my pal Brad at his crib tonight, because I saw him through the window
of his chill-out room sitting with 5 or 6 people I didn't know,
and came to the clear and solid realization that I really wasn't in
the mood to meet anyone new or really feeling my usual sociable self at all.
I can adapt to any social situation, find commonalities with raw food eating
know-it-alls, redneck wanksta honkys, the khaki and polo set, the art school set,
metal snobs in black longsleeve t shirts bearing unreadable band logos, cheerleaders, hippies, and garage rock nerds, and generally get along pretty well with anybody, most of the time. Not today. I just mulled it over and said,
"Uh uh."
Lets talk about something i'm growing to hate.
Growing, like black kudzu, covering my heart and creepy crawling over every molecule in my body and soul. This hated thing is the common catchphrase:
"Good luck with that."
I have said it a time or two, yes. For that I am now deeply apologetic.
I am, because I see it now as indicative of certain qualities in people I despise and have no desire to interact with on any level.
It stinks of snide, patronizing assholes, the kind who have made some measly acheivements and so deceive themselves into believing they have life figured out
and that everyone they know should bend an ear anytime they see fit to grace the world with some longwinded fart from their lips which they believe to be genius but registers mostly upon the ears of those around them as something between the annoyance of hearing a neighbor doing yardwork outside yr window early in the morning on yr good sleep-late day and of a trusted relative inserting their fist into yr anus.
I'll state here and for all to read that if someone says this to you, I believe you well within yr rights to cut that person open from their larynx to their belly button, rip out the offending voicebox, throw it on the ground, then drop trou and take a big healthy shit on it. Seriously, just kill them. The world will not miss one less undeservedly haughty douchebag or twatrag.
In order to contribute to the dis-use of this year's equivalent to "I know you are, but what am I?", I will offer some examples of other
Say someone has told you about some idea they have. It can be any idea, for some invention, some business they want to start up someday, song they wanna write, whatever. Plenty of folks have ideas you may hear that sound childish, absurd, dumb. Resist the urge to be an eye-rolling pooftah and to drop the turd.
Its not yr place to place a value on their ideas, but if you're going to be a jerk, at least go all the way and don't simply try to make yourself feel more clever than you actually are.
Alternative A) "That is the stupidest thing i've ever heard."
Brutal, unpretensious, and to the fucking point. If you think that, why not just say it. The startling honesty will drive yr point home, probably end the conversation, and you won't look like some haughty eye-rolling pooftah.
Alternative B) You can listen to their hare-brained idea and discuss with them how they could actually make it into a reality. That is if you really know and like the person and give two shits about engaging them in further conversation.
And who knows what future benefits you may acquire by being supportive? The guys who invented the Super Soaker, the Lava Lamp, LEGOS, the Pet Rock, Etch-A-Sketch, Billy the Singing Bass, and the goddamn Chia Pet are all now rich as shit, and i'll bet the guys that said or thought "Good Luck with that." aren't having as much fun or stacking as many C-Notes. It can be anything, though, not just a goofy invention, but if yr in the mood to look at some goofy inventions, this link here http://www.thegreenhead.com/ is a portal to some purely ridiculous and totally awesome stuff.
Alternative C) "I'm sorry I wasn't listening, I was just... " and you can end that sentence with a hundred or so different possible menial mental tasks that will belittle their thought and make you seem superior, except not really.
It is, however, a tried and true comedic device, so while you're still being a dick, at least you're doing it in a funny way.
Alternative D) Don't say anything at all.
There are many others to consider, but that would take up a shitload more time than I want to invest and so, to finish this rant, i'll simply state that I have discontinued the use of that phrase, and so should you.
Its done. If yr going to be an asshole, at least try to be original.
...and now, The Blue Man Group with Venus Hum singing "I Feel Love"!
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[25 Mar 2009|07:01pm] |
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WTF on my REM radio dial |
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Does It Offend You, Yeah? "Dawn of the Dead" |
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For the second day in a row, i've had a 'racy' dream involving someone i've not seen in years.
Its been a different person each time, and no one who might read this, or, to my knowledge, has a livejournal (so if you can see this, rest assured, it wasn't you).
Its just beginning to raise the inevitable "why" question, and why also,
did last night's dream involve testicle torture and why dear god was I OK with it?
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waterbeast's journal