Lev (waterbeast) wrote,

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Supersize Hospitality Wallace

People and their children make me nuts.

Especially the idiot names they tack onto their precious.

Your 'creativity' will dictate the rest of the kid's existence.

If you name yr daughter Mercedes, Alizee, or Brooklyn
you might as well put a stripper pole in the crib and
send her to kindergarten with her lunch in a little Crown Royal bag.

This also applies to anybody given the name of any car, city, or brand of liquor.

Prepare yrself for the reality that comes with a handle like that,
the stream of boyfriends culled from the scum of the local rock music
scene, DJs, wanna-be rappers, comedians and drug dealers.

Not that theres anything wrong with that, i'm just telling you what you already know.

I'm not even going to go into the names black folks give their chirrun.
Just open up a Websters dictionary and pick a word at random.
If theres a C in the word change it to a K, change any Qu to Kw,
and add an "-isha" or "-ondra".
True story, a BBW working the reg at the Shell station up the sKreet from my house
had a nametag that actually read "JUICY". I looked at her name tag for the entire
time she was ringing up my Funyuns and Powerade, stunned, in silent amazement.

Celebrity baby names are almost always bad, and yeah, that choad from Fallout Boy and his talentless cock-holster, the "<" of the Simpson sisters, deserve to get their asses kicked, but i'm gonna leave the celebretard ranting and raving to people who actually care about celebrity gossip and all that shit.
like this bitch......

I have friends who fall into the alpha primitives category of dudes.. big, dumb galoots.
Not bad guys... just, as I said. One of these fellas once pondered over the idea of naming his son Thor. This is as unrepentantly dumb an idea as i've ever heard.
Unless you start administering steroids to the kid at age 2, you might fuck up, some recessive intelligence gene might creep in, and instead of a big brawny badass, yr boy might be a bookish, sensitive, introverted type. Thats no Thor in my book... so thats just a bad idea, along with Hercules, and anything else from Greek or Norse mythology
is highly questionable. Except Ulysses. Ulysses is just a gnar name, period.

To reflect back on some names i've read of people just dropping a noun
and using it as a name, i'd say its got potential, but is often used in a certain schmaltzy way that brings to mind the music of Kenny G and turns the air in my nostrils brown.
I mean people who name their kids Lyric, Story, Heaven, stuff like that.
I've got some better, less new age-y Hallmark Channel made-for-tv Thanksgivingtime family movie-ish ideas for noun-names.

Enough with the names already... there are hundreds more websites where you can find more ridiculously (tragically) funny names. Take it from a guy named LEVERETT
and be mindful of what you name yr next kid!


tonight and every tuesday and friday
Karaoke. 10 PM - 2 AM
Reedmeisters 3439 Park Avenue

Sing songs and drink to the future!

She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me

Well, maybe not that one, that was an oldy when my dad was a kid.
We ain't talkin top hats and tap shoes here.

See ya!
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